Deprivation

I want to speak as myself here, even though I'm sure there are many people also experience what I'm about to describe.

Frequently, I've struggled to avoid sweets that I've chosen in advance not to eat.

If I miss out on that frosted doughnut or that rich brownie, it feels like a loss. Eating tasty food is a way of telling myself that I'm good and deserve the pleasure of what I'm eating. I also have a sense (somehow) that sweets are scarce and that I should take whatever I can now so I don't lose out. Sometimes, I feel compelled to finish something sweet even if I'm feeling full, for the same reasons.

I end up in an internal struggle where sometimes my "higher self" wins and sometimes it doesn't, but no matter which way it goes, it's an unpleasant experience. Because I end up either feeling like I've failed, or feeling like I've been deprived. And of course, the feeling of deprivation means that at my next choice, the "higher self" will be weaker.

One way I've found to step out of this is to re-frame everything in terms of gratitude.

First, and very important: I DO deserve pleasure and satisfaction. It IS good to enjoy all types of food. Desserts are wonderful things!

Next, I think of all the times in my life so far where I've had the pleasure of eating delicious sweets. This is an odd one, because you'd think that dwelling on something sweet you've had in the past would whet your appetite for more now. But that's not how it works for me. Instead, thinking about past things that I've enjoyed helps me to not feel deprived now. It makes me feel lucky. I also know that there will be other opportunities that I choose in the future. (i.e. I will decide ahead of time what I will allow myself for special occasions, travel, or trying something new and special - like chocolate brought back from Europe.)

From this point, I realize that there's no reason to be so sad about missing out on this thing before me. More often than not, it's nothing particularly special. And this makes me feel a sense of empowerment. I'm no longer fighting a nagging internal "parent", I'm just choosing to not take something that isn't really that important.

This has worked for me, for the most part. Not to say that I don't still struggle sometimes. Especially when I don't take the time to eat properly (i.e. skip breakfast or lunch) it's far too easy to just grab a chocolate croissant that's sitting in the work kitchen, even if there are healthier choices available. (And yeah, I'm going to go for chocolate over plain in those circumstances!)

Anyway, it's easier to resist poor food choices when I put energy into remembering the ways that I am really not deprived at all. That I am lucky to live in a world where sweets are always around if and when I want them. And even if that's not 100% true (given that the world is unpredictable and who knows? Someday ALL food could be scarce), I've already HAD the opportunity to experience wonderful and sweet things, and that can't be taken away. So I can do without it NOW, and still feel grateful.